Like a damn waterfall.

So Tuesday night I did trivia at Corner Pocket, headed home, and started working on a big zine project. Around 3 am, my nose starts to run. I look down and it's blood. A lot of goddam blood. Grabbed some toilet paper, stopped the flow, and starting deciding whether or not to freak out.

It's winter, so it's dry, and that can cause nose bleeds.
It's not stopping.
I never get nosebleeds.
This is so much blood.

I called my mom, but she was asleep. Called one sister, she didn't answer. Called another, she grabbed the phone, said she'd come take me to the ER. She's got two kids, though, and I hated that she was going to lose sleep dealing with me.

Still bleeding.

I cut off my computer and tv. Changed toilet paper. Got the septum ring out of my nose and put it safely aside. The first sister called, announced she was coming to get me. I called the second and told her to go back to bed. She said, "Ha!" and told me to text her as soon as I knew anything.

Still bleeding.

Do you know how hard it is to lace your shoes when you are a fat man holding toilet paper clamped to your nose? Got dressed. Grabbed my hoodie. Locked the door, there's my sister and her boyfriend. Went to the ER.

Still bleeding.

They took my blood pressure, which was on the high end of not good at all. Got me into a room pretty much straightaway. I was pretty freaked out, but the nurse said I wouldn't die. She had on scrubs, so I believed her.

Still bleeding. For the next 3 and a half hours, I held gauze to my nose and swallowed everything I couldn't spit out. Gross, yes? Grosser in person.

Dude, I swallowed so much blood.

As the doc told me afterward, "With pressure and time, every injury stops bleeding. Either it clots of you run out of blood." Funny guy, that doctor. It finally stopped. He took a look, said it was a tiny hole, but my high blood pressure made it gush.

He said, lower your blood pressure. He said, seriously, you don't have insurance. He said, fill out your paperwork, here's a scrip for your bp, go home. Don't pick your nose so hard.

My entire adult life has consisted mostly of red meat and beer. Crap.


Verdant Earl said...

Wow. Feeling ya.

Bad lifestyle choices aside, I've been blessed from good genetics on my mother's side. Thank Whatever. Dad's side was a mess. High BP and worse. Mom's side is a bit more forgiving. Or what I whisper to myself when I go to bet at night.


Verdant Earl said...

Bed, not bet....shit.

Anonymous said...

That definitely does not sound like a pleasant experience. I am glad it stopped bleeding. I hate that everything that makes you feel so good ends up being bad for you. I do hope your BP gets under control so that won't happen again. i am glad you told the story as we heard it happened but nothing else. Sweet Jo

That Hank said...

BE: yeah, if I wasn't so healthy I'd be a total mess by now.

Jo: my blog is like a companion reader to mom's.

Ms. Moon said...

Oh sweetie.
I love you so much. Need some soup? No red meat and plenty of vegetables.

That Hank said...

Thanks for the soup, mama!

Steph(anie) said...

On the plus side, you know what you need to give up and you are male. With a few changes, losing weight and lowering your blood pressure should be easy. It's making the changes that isn't so easy.

Funny doctor... run out of blood. Snort.

That Hank said...

Oh, it's simple, but easy it ain't.

And yeah, for 6 am he was mighty chuckley.