So Tuesday night I did trivia at Corner Pocket, headed home, and started working on a big zine project. Around 3 am, my nose starts to run. I look down and it's blood. A lot of goddam blood. Grabbed some toilet paper, stopped the flow, and starting deciding whether or not to freak out.
It's winter, so it's dry, and that can cause nose bleeds.
It's not stopping.
I never get nosebleeds.
This is so much blood.
I called my mom, but she was asleep. Called one sister, she didn't answer. Called another, she grabbed the phone, said she'd come take me to the ER. She's got two kids, though, and I hated that she was going to lose sleep dealing with me.
I cut off my computer and tv. Changed toilet paper. Got the septum ring out of my nose and put it safely aside. The first sister called, announced she was coming to get me. I called the second and told her to go back to bed. She said, "Ha!" and told me to text her as soon as I knew anything.
Do you know how hard it is to lace your shoes when you are a fat man holding toilet paper clamped to your nose? Got dressed. Grabbed my hoodie. Locked the door, there's my sister and her boyfriend. Went to the ER.
They took my blood pressure, which was on the high end of not good at all. Got me into a room pretty much straightaway. I was pretty freaked out, but the nurse said I wouldn't die. She had on scrubs, so I believed her.
Still bleeding. For the next 3 and a half hours, I held gauze to my nose and swallowed everything I couldn't spit out. Gross, yes? Grosser in person.
Dude, I swallowed so much blood.
As the doc told me afterward, "With pressure and time, every injury stops bleeding. Either it clots of you run out of blood." Funny guy, that doctor. It finally stopped. He took a look, said it was a tiny hole, but my high blood pressure made it gush.
He said, lower your blood pressure. He said, seriously, you don't have insurance. He said, fill out your paperwork, here's a scrip for your bp, go home. Don't pick your nose so hard.
My entire adult life has consisted mostly of red meat and beer. Crap.