"Whenever I come to your house, I know I won't be able to get a snack. Like there won't be crackers."
I think I've edged over into confirmed bachelor territory. Not in the Victorian-euphemism-for-gay way (although, now that I think about it, not necessarily not in the Victorian-euphemism-for-gay way, either). In the I've lived a one bedroom apartment for ten years and the oven has never worked way. The ran out of toilet paper so I just took multiple, specific showers throughout the day way. The eight jars of mustard but nothing to put it on in the fridge way.
Most of my old friends are married or shacked up. I'm the last guy my age in town who sleeps with women but isn't paying child support on a kid or two somewhere. I've come close to tying the knot a few times, but never gave it that final push into foreverness.
Some nights I'm lonely. My cat is a good companion, but doesn't go in much for conversation. Once in a while, when friends are having relationship troubles or I'm particularly comfortable sitting around in my skivvies watching Battlestar for the nth time, it occurs to me to be happy in my solitude. For the most part, it's not even something I think about. I have close friends, I have loose associations, I have plenty of human interaction and hugs and emotional support and laughs, so it's not like I'm longing for love. I even get my share of physical affection, albeit in a more casual way.
My bachelor days could end. I could fall head over heels tomorrow and get married next week. But right now I'm more concerned with the fact that I'm out of toilet paper and don't want to take another shower.
7 comments:
I have been thinking lately of how I've never actually lived on my own for more than a few months at a time. I've always had live-in sweeties or husbands and of course children. I really, honestly don't know if I could do it. To live by myself. I had fantasies of doing just that when my life was so filled with, well...you know. Kids, babies, husband, life.
But in reality? I don't know that I could. I've had one whole entire day of being alone and it's been fine and I'm not lonely but I have a feeling that if this went on for a long time, I'd just turn into a complete Miss Havisham and THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD! But trust me- I would always have food whether crackers or casserole.
I love you. I want you to be happy. Whatever that means.
Always...your mama
I was that confirmed bachelor guy until a wee bit after my 40th birthday. Having lived on my own for around 18 years at that point. The occasional girlfriend, but never anything serious. Until I met Gia and moved in with her. It's been over 7 years now. Wow.
There are times when I miss it, of course. But those times are generally few and far between. Shit, it's weird being in the bed on my own now each morning when Gia leaves for work (I get to sleep for a few extra hours).
What the hell do I know about what makes anyone happy? I'm barely able to decipher my own state of whatever.
Mama: When I moved into the Fives, I realized I'd always lived with people, too. It took some getting used to, but now I kind of love it. I don't know if I could do it in Lloyd. I'm near people, just in my own space. When the house is quiet, there's always traffic noise. It's not unlike living close to the ocean.
B.E.: Like I said, you never know. This is just the present situation.
You take after your mama in being so real and I love that. I've lived alone for a long time and I don't know that I like it but I honestly don't know that I could live with another person, even a lover unless it was a really big house or they lived next door and came over for playtime. It seems like you would make an awesome father. Luckily men don't have those time clocks. Sweet Jo
Jo: I've joked about having to live in a duplex rather than moving in with someone, so we can each have our own space.
I hope you have gotten some TP since writing this...
And I suppose you know that us married folk sometimes long for solitude. It's all about trade-offs, right?
I did, and I let my cat shred one of the rolls, so we're both happy.
Post a Comment