9/2/10

straggler

All my friends are married or sober or laid up somewhere canoodling with their sweet baboo every night after work. They're buying houses and having babies and, I dunno, going to bed at ten on Friday night.

And that's great. I am honestly happy for all of them. If you can find love and stability in this life, fuckin' hop on it. Hug it tight and be joyful. But cheese'n'rice, do you know where that leaves we few confirmed bachelors and late bloomers?

Bored. Very, very bored.

I mean, I can entertain myself. I'm good at it. Ask my mama - I've been sneaking off with books or going for long walks my whole life. As an adult, though, I've cobbled together a happy little band of friends and drinking buddies and guys I go to shows with. Folks I could call on a Tuesday night or a Saturday morning to go split a pitcher or drive down to the beach or just sit on a stoop and reinvent the world. And now I can call a dozen people and get nothing but "maybe later". Later days, y'all.

I miss my friends. I miss having a crowd around at the drop of a hat. Nothing ever stays the same, and maybe it's me. Maybe I've just missed so many normal milestones in my adult life that I'm now hopelessly left behind. But it doesn't feel like that. I adore the babies, I admire the new homes, but I don't feel that pull for myself. I like living alone - I just didn't sign up to spend all my leisure time that way.

15 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

I've been feeling a bit the same way under different circumstances, although at one time it was exactly the same circumstances. I was a confirmed bachelor and a late bloomer. Didn't meet Gia until I was 39. When friends started disappearing due to having lives, I started branching out. Made new friends and family, but it was a cycle. Kept happening. Now it's happening to me on the other side of the equation. And while I'm fine with that, I do miss the old times. As do some of my friends.

Ms. Moon said...

I know. It's weird the other way, too. When you start out young and have kids and none of your friends do and they do things on Saturday nights and you're in bed at ten.
Life is never quite balanced just right, is it? And if it is for ten minutes, you don't realize it until it's not.

downtown guy said...

That's the honest truth. But I've still got Taylor!

ZenGato said...

Maybe it's just time to do that whole, start a new chapter of your life thing. Not that you have to change, you just stay your wonderful self, but you gotta find a new routine that works in all the other changes around you. Change is a wonderful awful son of a bitch.

All This Trouble... said...

If it's any consolation, I think your friends miss it and you too. We do. We miss our "single" days. And now when we DO all manage to get it together, it's a funny feeling. Stolen moments... I feel somewhat responsible for running Joe's friends off but he says it wasn't me, it was ALL of us.

Here's to hoping you are covered up in the right folks before you know it!

SJ said...

Yeah -I totally get it. Right there with you.

May said...

I was actually just thinking about this the other day for a long while. Thinking about how you were the loner all through school years and then you found your stride and your crew and it was on for so long. (And how I was the opposite.) And I was thinking about how y'all don't hang out much because of the families. I also thought it was you just growing up.
I feel like I'm in this weird transition time where I haven't quite found out what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Does it feel that way to you? Ho-hum, work and home. Read and write and watch a movie. Doo-da-doo. It's not exactly wrong but it's not exactly right.

Magnum said...

I'm one of those now that answers the phone at 10:30 after being in bed for an hour only to say, usually, no, not tonight. My single and unbridled friends are struggling with a bunch of us that are stacked with kids and spouses and homes and excuses.
We tend to all get together at least every couple weeks at someone's house to keep the "us" up. We also tend to spring for an UberBabysitter once every 6 months and go hog wild on the town (well, by our current standards anyway, which is kinda lame to anyone under 40).
Every other day: bed by 9:30. And it's awesome.

P.S., my word verification is RESQU

downtown guy said...

Thanks, y'all, I appreciate the comments.

In a way, I'm overstating the case. My closest friend, Tay, is as single as I am and parties much harder (restaurant worker - youknowwhatI'msayin), but I can really only spend so much time with one person before we get to sniping at each other and need a break. There's a reason we're not dating anymore.

May: Pie would keep you busy. Sweet, sweet pie.

Magnum: That's kind of the thing - I still see these friends at parties and events. It's the one on one, casual time I miss. Hanging out to shoot the shit without having to plan it first. You know? But hey, I completely understand that people have different stages in their life. I don't begrudge them their closing circles, I think the cooler weather just makes me contemplative.

juancho said...

I hear you brother. It can be rough out there.

downtown guy said...

No doubt. Though, at least I am not healing up like you are. How's that going?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Save up some gas money and come to Ohio for a long weekend or so. I'll sit around and drink with you, dear brother. Bring as many family members as you like along for the drive.

I know where you're at. I've been there myself a time or two.

Love you tons!

juancho said...

gettin better thanks!

Scott said...

The change in the weather does it every time. Fall coming on and cool nights out with friends you haven't seen all summer long. It is a cycle we got set upon for 12 to 17 years and when it changes... It feels kind of wierd and lonely.

downtown guy said...

Could be, except that it was 100 degrees out still when I wrote this and I didn't have any friends in school that I hung out with.